Cardboard

After moving in, one room of my apartment was full to the ceiling with suddenly useless cardboard boxes. I posted an ad on Craigslist, offering up free moving boxes to whoever wanted to take them off my hands. The first response was in my inbox exactly 13 minutes after the posting went online.

Thirteen minutes! That's less than 800 seconds! A few millimeters on your sundial!

Tragic as it is, I'm sure that somewhere, sometime, there has been a stabbing victim who has bled for more than 13 minutes while waiting for his 9-1-1 call to produce results. But I live in San Francisco, and it takes just about that long for somebody to ask if they can pick up my trash.

Nice list, Craig. Nice list.

I Didn't Ask For C*ck Pictures, Either

A couple of weeks ago, more out of boredom than anything else, I posted an ad in the personals section of Craigslist. (Don't look at me like that. It was just for entertainment value.) It was short, to the point, and did not include any version of the phrase "hey freaks come and get it." I received 200ish responses.

Some of the choicest, with original spelling and punctuation intact (natch):

“I'm going to get the details out of the way so I can dwell on my ex-girlfriend in the next paragraph"

“oh, yeah, and the friends-first thing works perfectly for me. i can't get it up.”

“Brain is not important for me. I don't think,i just do it”

"Naturally Dom guy here, loves to be in Control behind closed doors(light bondage, bdsm etc/Not into pain though) I can be aggressive, yet gentle, erotic and freaky, but sensual"

“im also a bounty hunter”

“I'm single and never been married, I live with my parents and have no kids.”

“hey, so what kind of black guy are you looking for?”

“saw your post and i think you deserve a chance to get to know me.”

“i can show you around, i guess. just don't make me feel like a loser babysitting some girl who's new to the city.”

And my personal favorite:

“I am 5'10" almost 200lbs. But you wouldn't know it from looking at me cause it's almost all muscle.”

Oh Good, Because My Last Chinese Astrologer Couldn't Dance For Shit

My roommate recently bought a computer off Craigslist. (He does this, buys used electronics with an ease and seeming spontaneity that totally baffles me.) The woman who sold him the used laptop introduced herself as a former Classics professor, explained she didn't know anything about computers, presented her card, urged him to call her if there was the slightest problem, and left.

Here's what her card looks like (without the name and address, natch):



Need some piano lessons and a good laugh? Want an original score and your astrological chart? Need guidance of the romantic AND sight-seeing sort? I've got just the person.