Oh Good, Because My Last Chinese Astrologer Couldn't Dance For Shit

My roommate recently bought a computer off Craigslist. (He does this, buys used electronics with an ease and seeming spontaneity that totally baffles me.) The woman who sold him the used laptop introduced herself as a former Classics professor, explained she didn't know anything about computers, presented her card, urged him to call her if there was the slightest problem, and left.

Here's what her card looks like (without the name and address, natch):



Need some piano lessons and a good laugh? Want an original score and your astrological chart? Need guidance of the romantic AND sight-seeing sort? I've got just the person.