The whole thing?

Friday found me very cranky and itching from head to toe (allergy attack from the stargazer lillies sitting at the reception desk in the office), so when my co-workers suggested Grumpy's for lunch, I was all "Fuck yeah. Two beer lunch." We secured a nice table in the back and as I was about to take the first sip of my cold one, some crazy-eyed bitch comes up to me a sticks a microphone in my face. And by in my face, I mean maybe an eighth of an inch from my lips. And this was no regular microphone, it was gigantic and covered in that squishy black stuff they put on earphones. This ho looks me straight in the eyes with a very serious expression and asks this golden nugget of the question "Should we re-design the internet to make it more safe?" My response: "You mean the whole thing?" Then I went into a liberal intellectual rant about how there should be no government regulation of this wonderful free space and if suburban moms don't want to look at porn, then by God, they shouldn't type in hotfucking.com on their destination bar.

Her response: "You are the first one to say that. Everyone else is for safety measures."

Great, hope I turned out to be a stellar soundbite for KGO Newstalk 810.